I have the worst fucking umbrella of all time.
I purchased this miscarriage in a moment of desperation and have regretted it ever since. The only reason I do not purchase a replacement is because I straight up have no bucks. Even still, I may just have to shell out the dough for the mere satisfaction of throwing this aberration into space.
Most umbrellas function with the following simplicity:
1. Open velcro fastener
2. Open umbrella, use.
3. Close umbrella.
3a. Repeat steps 2-3 as necessary until reaching final destination.
4. Reattach velcro fastener
My umbrella, on the other hand, requires an insane amount of time and energy. It is compact, and it both opens and elongates the metal rod with the push of a button. In order to close the umbrella, one presses the button… but this does not retract the rod. Rather, one must PUSH the umbrella back down to its original size and into the handle (soaking one’s hand in the process) before it is able to be opened again. You have to close the motherfucker entirely before being able to open it again. This is unbelievably inconvenient when ducking into a store or onto a bus, AND it’s actually quite difficult to contract entirely because of the spring inside. It has flown out of my hands more than once, which is not really ever great. Not to mention the velcro fastener isn’t long enough! THEY EVEN GOT THE VELCRO FASTENER WRONG, GUYS.
The fact that a person must have graduated from design school in order to make this atrocity is shocking, worse that the design was approved for production, and worse still that a corporation found the umbrella reasonable enough to sell. The worst, of course, is that I actually bought this mess.
This is why it is bullshit to say things like, “At least he did SOMETHING, what have YOU done lately?”
I know what I haven’t done lately and that’s designed something really fucking shitty, so eat on that you pandering little cocksuckers and get me a new goddamned umbrella!
Posted 2 years ago with 3 notes-
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